Frozen Moon
by JPKisses
Summary: What if Bella's story ended with Chapter 3 of New Moon? Victoria gave up her vendetta, Jacob was just her dad's friend's son and Edward kept his promised and stayed away. Would they still have ended up together? 1st Twilight fanfic. R&R! One shot.


_**A/N: I don't own the characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. Also the 'memory' is taken from New Moon. My first Twilight Fanfic. I hope you enjoy!**_

My hand hesitated slightly above the doorknob before I finally found the courage to open the door to my father's house. It hadn't changed in the 17 years since I'd left. The kitchen cabinets were still the bright yellow from my youth, although a bit faded with time. I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears as I stepped over boxes that were loaded with all of Charlie's belongings. There were a few things that I was going to keep, but the rest was going off to charity.

Again I let myself take in the old house, let some…not all…but some of the memories flood my mind as I remembered all the time spent with Charlie. He and I had grown closer in the three years that I was with him, than me and Renee had in my whole life. I knew it was because we were so much more alike, connected more on an inner level than I ever did with Renee.

I was going to miss him so much.

The hole in my chest that had been ever present during my adult life had never healed. If anything, more holes had just been added. Some of them healed away into nothing but the big one, the one that he'd left never went away. Charlie's death was sure to cause another one, but I was sure that that one would heal with time too. It still hurt.

I climbed up the stairs and went into my old room. Of course, everything was boxed up in there too. They were stacked neatly in the corner by the door, ready for whoever was loading to come and take them away. The room looked large and small at the same time. Large, because it was completely empty of my bed and belongs, but small because I was looking at it from an adult perspective. An _older_ adult perspective.

I walked toward the window of my room, tripping slightly on my way over there. I didn't stop to see what had caused it. I was still as clumsy as ever and tripping over my own two feet was not uncommon. I slid the window opened and it groaned in protest. Of course it would, it hadn't been opened in years, not since Edward used to come through it, staying with me at night.

Yes, I could think of his name now. I even thought of him every now and then. It hurt, the pain had never ceased, I'd just become strong enough to bear it over the years.

I looked outside to the cloudy sky that blanketed the sleepy town of Forks and let myself remember.

_*_

"_I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much."_

"_Anything."_

"_Don't do anything reckless or stupid," He'd ordered. "Do you understand what I'm saying? I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – For him."_

_*_

And I had. I took care of myself for Charlie, just not exactly the way he would have wanted me too. And I smiled at the recklessness of my youth, the times when I wanted to hear his voice in my head. I still did, when I did something that I wasn't supposed to or found myself in a situation I shouldn't be in. Of course, it was nothing ever life-threatening, just me being masochistic.

I didn't forget the promise he'd made either.

_It will be as if I'd never existed. _

I still laughed at that. As if he could erase the memories etched in my brain. He may have been right about the human memory, but he underestimated what a determined human could remember when they thought about it long and frequently enough.

I poked my head out the window and saw how far down it was. Surely someone could die if they flung themselves out with enough force…

I slammed the window shut with enough force to knock that decision right out of my head. But I still thought about it. After all, he wanted me here for Charlie and he was gone now. He left so that he could 'save my soul', to have me experience everything I should as if I'd never met him. I laughed humorlessly to myself. I had told him it was too late and I was right.

I was 37 years old with nothing to show for it. I wasn't married, I had no kids and the only other person that I truly cared about enough to stick around for was dead. I didn't even have a boyfriend. How could I do that to someone? I wasn't selfish like he was, I wouldn't enter someone's life and then leave after I'd made my mark and decide they weren't good enough for me when I had known that since the beginning.

I considered throwing myself out the window again.

I saw the charity truck pull up in front of the house and turned around to meet them. I tripped over the same place I had earlier, but I paused to look down this time. I noticed that the floorboards were uneven. One of the boards was sticking up slightly, not quite fitting in like the others. I lowered myself to the floor and pressed my palms against it, trying to push it back into place. I finally gave up and lifted it with my fingers, surprised at how easily it came up. I looked to see what was keeping it from being even and I gasped.

Underneath the floorboards, covered in dust and cobwebs was a jewel-cased CD and a thick envelope. I yanked them out from their hiding place, and turned the CD over in my hand. It was blank, no handwriting or label on it. Something tugged at my sub-conscious and I opened the envelope that had been with the disc. The hole inside my chest increased so much in size I thought it would rip me in half. I stared back at the picture I had taken that day after my 18th birthday. There was Edward in all his exquisite glory, his arm wrapped tentatively around my shoulder, a blank look on his face. Even with his face devoid of any emotion he was still beautiful beyond words. I wrapped my arm around myself as I began to fall to pieces. I sobbed uncontrollably as I held the pictures, the plane tickets and the CD in my hand. I crawled to the corner that held the boxes of my stuff and dug for my old CD player. When I encountered it, I plugged it in and placed the CD inside before pushing play.

The sobs increased in intensity as I listened to the beautiful sounds of the piano permeate the room. My lullaby just as soothing as it had been then, except it wasn't soothing me now. I had to turn up the stereo to its highest setting because I couldn't hear over my crying.

I let myself cry until I had no tears left. I cried for him, for me, for Charlie. But mostly I cried for him. I hadn't let myself grieve over him because I didn't think I'd be able to stop. Even now, it had been hours that I'd been sitting on the floor, the disc playing over and over again. I didn't even hear the movers leave and they never interrupted me. Or maybe they had and I just wasn't paying attention. Either way, I was covered in darkness as I'd clutched the photo to my chest and rocked back and forth, the tears still continued to roll even after the sobbing stopped.

I sat there in the middle of my empty room all night as I thought about what I was going to do next. I didn't want to live anymore. I had no reason to live anymore. I kept my stupid promise. I was there for Charlie but now I was going to do what I had wanted to the instant Edward left my life. I stood up and turned swiftly back to the window, I lost my balance but I caught myself before I hit the floor. I decided then that I wasn't going to be quite so dramatic and headed downstairs.

I could still hear Edward's CD playing upstairs from my room as I took in the house. It was completely empty now, the movers having done their job. I knew there was nothing in the house that would be of any use as I contemplated my situation.

I went outside, the sun had already risen, but because of the ever present clouds of the Olympic Peninsula, it didn't shine through. I walked out to where Edward had led me that horrific day. Maybe I could walk through the forest and get lost. Nobody would be looking for me now, and he wasn't here to scrawl out a helpful little note either. Maybe I'd die of dehydration, though that didn't seem likely with rain falling as often as it did. Maybe a bear would eat me, or I'd fall over a cliff.

I wasn't able to think of any other possibilities as I took in the sight before me. I thought I was hallucinating. My delusional hallucinations of his voice were always pristine so of course, the visual ones would be too. I thought maybe I was living that day all over again. I was 18 all over again and he was there to break my heart all over again. That final shove that would solidify my decision to take my life.

"Bella…" It breathed. I say 'it' because it was surely not him. It was an illusion. A figment of my imagination. I decided to play along, after all what did I have to lose now?

"Edward." I reached out and stumbled forward toward the apparition. I was determined not to let it get away from me. It reached for me too, and caught me before I fell. That's when I realized it wasn't in my head, but very real. The cold stone arms that wrapped around me were solid and nothing that my imagination could dream up. I know…I'd tried.

"What are you doing here?"

He gave me a crooked smile. THE crooked smile and I melted.

"Alice."

If I wasn't so much in shock, I would have laughed. Of course Alice would have seen this. I wonder what it is she saw. Charlie dying or me finding Edward's things and deciding to die. I figured it wouldn't have been Charlie because his death was completely unexpected. She would have seen me dying though.

Edward leaned toward me and nuzzled his nose in my hair before taking a deep breath. I felt his muscles lock as he froze beside me. I can imagine how I must smell to him now, after 18 years apart.

"You're just as beautiful as ever."

I cringed at his words. How could he say that? I was old. I didn't look 37, or so people would tell me, but it didn't change the fact that I was 37. I was old enough to be his mother. The dream from my 18th birthday came back and I shuddered.

He must have taken that as a sign that I was cold because he moved away from me, but I moved right with him, not letting him take his arm from around my waist.

"No. Don't. I wrapped my arm around him and pressed my face against his hard chest. I inhaled deeply, my brain instantly remembering the smell and sending off endorphins throughout my body and I was suddenly giddy. I couldn't stop smiling and the hole in my chest was gone. As if it had never existed.

"I love you. I never stopped loving you, Edward. As much as you thought I would." Edward let out a laugh as he wrapped his arms around me and I about jumped for joy.

"I should have known you weren't the average human. A normal person would have forgotten me by now."

"You forget I'm not normal." He let out a sigh.

"I didn't forget. I just hoped you would be."

"Why?" I looked up at him again and was dazzled. I forgot how to breathe.

"I wanted you to be happy and safe. I wanted you to live a normal life, go to college…" He grimaced, "get married, have babies. That's why I left."

"I didn't want any of that. I still don't. All I wanted was you. Forever."

He smiled before a sad look crossed his face and he looked toward the house.

"I know…I'm sorry to hear about Charlie."

I followed his gaze, "me, too."

My heart tightened as I thought about what would happen next. Was he going to leave me again?

"What are you thinking?"

I looked up at him, with a stricken look on my face and it must have alarmed him.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"I-I… I won't be able to stand it, if you leave me again." His face softened as he moved a strand of hair away from my face.

"Did you know you have gray in your hair?" He stated teasingly, a smile pulling on the corner of his perfect lips. I scowled as ripped my head away from him.

"I'm well aware of that fact, thank you very much."

He laughed at me as he ran his fingers across my face and slowly cupped my chin. The humor left his face as an intense look replaced it. I tried not to hyperventilate as I realized he was about to kiss me. His cool breath and the feel of his stone lips were overwhelming. I curled over him, pressing my body against his and running my fingers through his hair. His kiss was intense and despite the years that had passed since the last time he kissed me, I still remembered it. It was just like the kiss he'd given me before he left. I tried to hold back the sob that crept up my throat.

"I'm not leaving you again, Bella." He murmured. The ecstasy that soared through me as he kissed my neck was short lived as his teeth suddenly replaced his lips.


End file.
